Mental Health Is Hardly A Joke
After years of extensive and apparently exhaustive research, the Global Institute For Alarming Trends and Dire Prognostications has concluded that nearly every human living on the planet suffers from some form of mental illness.
It goes on to assert that a 'substantial minority' of these are hopelessly insane. And this does not include those who fall, regrettably, into the category of being simply mindless.
Needless to say, this is good to know, however bad it makes us feel knowing it. And at a mere cost of one billion dollars, a bargain by anyone's standards. Forget the fact that anyone actually living on the planet, with a bit of intelligence and a modicum of insight, already knows this.
Not so! says a spokesperson for the Institute, which, as it turns out, has been bombarded by angry letters from groups claiming to represent the civil rights of the mentally ill. (who knew these groups even existed and, more importantly, how does one join?) And I have to admit that the Institute's logic is impeccable. That they framed their response in the form of a syllogism is unfortunate, symptomatic of bad taste, perhaps, but nothing that can be construed as an evil, criminally insane conspiracy to delude the public and destroy the world.
It went something like this: Nearly everyone on earth is insane. The insane, by definition, are incapable of knowing they're insane. Therefore no one suspects that everyone is insane.
Hence money well spent.
Still, there are questions. Here's a sampling of the more pertinent ones, and the answers to them provided by the Institute:
If I think I may be mentally ill, does that mean I'm not? For example, when I look in the mirror - and believe me, this is never easy - the person looking back is not me. Doesn't this suggest that I am the victim of an alien body-snatching, or some other horrible ritual perpetrated by religious zealots?
Break all the mirrors in your house and seek out some form of professional help immediately.
I know a lot of people whom I would describe as mindless. Assuming they are, is it inaccurate for me to assume that they are out of their minds? In other words, can one be out of something one is not in possession of?
Good point! One of our mindless experts is, at this moment, searching for an answer.
If almost all humans on earth are mentally ill, doesn't that suggest that God must me insane?
Yes, we're sorry to say. If there was a God, he would almost certainly have to be insane. Luckily, there is no God, therefore those of us who believe in God can rest assured that a non-existent God cannot be insane.
You may carry on mindlessly worshipping.
Isn't the stigma of insanity nothing more than a crude device used by the powers that be to repress and constrain those of us
who still believe in the viability of creative, paradigm-shifting transformation?
You fucking postmodern troublemaker!
More on this escalating controversy coming soon...........
Lucy says hello!
Gaby disappeared yesterday.
Izumi claims she has to work overtime.
I may be losing my mind.
It goes on to assert that a 'substantial minority' of these are hopelessly insane. And this does not include those who fall, regrettably, into the category of being simply mindless.
Needless to say, this is good to know, however bad it makes us feel knowing it. And at a mere cost of one billion dollars, a bargain by anyone's standards. Forget the fact that anyone actually living on the planet, with a bit of intelligence and a modicum of insight, already knows this.
Not so! says a spokesperson for the Institute, which, as it turns out, has been bombarded by angry letters from groups claiming to represent the civil rights of the mentally ill. (who knew these groups even existed and, more importantly, how does one join?) And I have to admit that the Institute's logic is impeccable. That they framed their response in the form of a syllogism is unfortunate, symptomatic of bad taste, perhaps, but nothing that can be construed as an evil, criminally insane conspiracy to delude the public and destroy the world.
It went something like this: Nearly everyone on earth is insane. The insane, by definition, are incapable of knowing they're insane. Therefore no one suspects that everyone is insane.
Hence money well spent.
Still, there are questions. Here's a sampling of the more pertinent ones, and the answers to them provided by the Institute:
If I think I may be mentally ill, does that mean I'm not? For example, when I look in the mirror - and believe me, this is never easy - the person looking back is not me. Doesn't this suggest that I am the victim of an alien body-snatching, or some other horrible ritual perpetrated by religious zealots?
Break all the mirrors in your house and seek out some form of professional help immediately.
I know a lot of people whom I would describe as mindless. Assuming they are, is it inaccurate for me to assume that they are out of their minds? In other words, can one be out of something one is not in possession of?
Good point! One of our mindless experts is, at this moment, searching for an answer.
If almost all humans on earth are mentally ill, doesn't that suggest that God must me insane?
Yes, we're sorry to say. If there was a God, he would almost certainly have to be insane. Luckily, there is no God, therefore those of us who believe in God can rest assured that a non-existent God cannot be insane.
You may carry on mindlessly worshipping.
Isn't the stigma of insanity nothing more than a crude device used by the powers that be to repress and constrain those of us
who still believe in the viability of creative, paradigm-shifting transformation?
You fucking postmodern troublemaker!
More on this escalating controversy coming soon...........
Lucy says hello!
Gaby disappeared yesterday.
Izumi claims she has to work overtime.
I may be losing my mind.
posted by Bruce Leigh at 10:49 PM
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