Replying to some of your questions
I'm temporarily interrupting the usual flow of this site in order to answer some of the questions that have been pouring in from apparently fervent readers. Questions running the gamut from the mundane, "Have you ever accidentally gotten a chopstick stuck in one of your ears?" to the esoteric. "Do you sometimes feel that you are being stalked by Japanese demons?"
On the chopstick issue, it's fairly common knowledge here that sticking one in your ear is not a good idea, unless you're attempting to commit suicide, in which case it's valid, although clearly on the wimpish side. Japanese with any sense of style prefer a short, dangerously sharp knife, which is inserted into the lower abdomen and moved, slowly, but deliberately, from right to left. ( From left to right is considered in bad taste and will probably result in you not going to the Japanese version of heaven, which some describe as an open-all-night amusement park, while others envision an up-scale department store in which all the salespeople work in the nude. Go figure.) If you're cool you do it in winter, outdoors, while it's snowing, wearing nothing but skimpy pajamas. If you're really cool, you invite a select group of friends to watch. Which raises one question: With such loyal friends, why kill yourself in the first place? And answers another: Yes, that's right, the concept of individual privacy does not exist here. If you can't do it in a group, it shouldn't even be contemplated.
It should be pointed out, however, that irate, Japanese housewives do, on occasion, implant chopsticks in their husband's ears. Not to kill them, of course, but merely to get their attention.
No harm in that.
As far as demons go, I really can't complain. I've had run-ins with my fair share, but have generally found them to be extremely polite. Demons here exist on the periphery of the Japanese psyche primarily to remind people that banality is not such a bad thing. Japanese ghosts, however, are another story.
But to move on to some of your other, more reasonable, questions:
Q: Why did you choose to become an expatriate?
Few expatriates actually make the conscious decision to become expatriates. Unless they are wanted by the law, or, perhaps, in a desperate, potentially lethal, relationship. In my case, it was more a vague drifting off-shore, catching a current and landing in a place that was impossible to imagine, yet somehow tolerable. As long as you don't think about it too much, for as long as you can still think.
Let's face it, we live in a paradoxical world, which, we shouldn't forget, is modern man's way out of not being buried by his own contradictions. With an evolved brain and excessive leisure time on our hands it becomes possible to merge the good stuff and bad stuff into a murky, existential pool of enjoyable discontent. This, by the way, is the key, or at least one of them, to an authentic life. Another is being wealthy and not having to work.
The downside of living in a foreign country is never being able to fully integrate with the local population. The upside is never having to fully integrate with the local population. Hey, another paradox!
One place is pretty much like another. It's not so much where you are as who you are, or who you can get away with pretending to be.
But more on the advantages of assuming a state of total, cultural disconnection later.
Q: I've heard that most Japanese people suffer from mental illness. Is this true?
Sadly, yes, but you must keep in mind that the Japanese are highly adept at hiding. The ability to repress is taught from childhood. Besides, noticing insanity in others is considered very impolite. In addition, large numbers of the insane become university professors, which both secures their madness in an acceptable format and prevents them from doing any harm to others.
Q: How many Japanese women (or men) have you had sex with?
A rather odd question from someone I hardly know. To be honest, I wish I could remember. Not quite sure when Yuko, Yuka, Yumi, Ikuko, Yukari and their ilk all blended into the same delightful, alien body. I can, however, definitely say that I have never had sex with a Japanese man, although I have killed a few of them. At least I've seriously thought about it.
Q: Don't you miss your home country, the good old U.S.A.?
You're kidding, right? Let's just say that I miss the USA that exists solely in my imagination of a place called the USA.
But much more on this later.
Best wishes to all. Keep those comments flowing.....
On the chopstick issue, it's fairly common knowledge here that sticking one in your ear is not a good idea, unless you're attempting to commit suicide, in which case it's valid, although clearly on the wimpish side. Japanese with any sense of style prefer a short, dangerously sharp knife, which is inserted into the lower abdomen and moved, slowly, but deliberately, from right to left. ( From left to right is considered in bad taste and will probably result in you not going to the Japanese version of heaven, which some describe as an open-all-night amusement park, while others envision an up-scale department store in which all the salespeople work in the nude. Go figure.) If you're cool you do it in winter, outdoors, while it's snowing, wearing nothing but skimpy pajamas. If you're really cool, you invite a select group of friends to watch. Which raises one question: With such loyal friends, why kill yourself in the first place? And answers another: Yes, that's right, the concept of individual privacy does not exist here. If you can't do it in a group, it shouldn't even be contemplated.
It should be pointed out, however, that irate, Japanese housewives do, on occasion, implant chopsticks in their husband's ears. Not to kill them, of course, but merely to get their attention.
No harm in that.
As far as demons go, I really can't complain. I've had run-ins with my fair share, but have generally found them to be extremely polite. Demons here exist on the periphery of the Japanese psyche primarily to remind people that banality is not such a bad thing. Japanese ghosts, however, are another story.
But to move on to some of your other, more reasonable, questions:
Q: Why did you choose to become an expatriate?
Few expatriates actually make the conscious decision to become expatriates. Unless they are wanted by the law, or, perhaps, in a desperate, potentially lethal, relationship. In my case, it was more a vague drifting off-shore, catching a current and landing in a place that was impossible to imagine, yet somehow tolerable. As long as you don't think about it too much, for as long as you can still think.
Let's face it, we live in a paradoxical world, which, we shouldn't forget, is modern man's way out of not being buried by his own contradictions. With an evolved brain and excessive leisure time on our hands it becomes possible to merge the good stuff and bad stuff into a murky, existential pool of enjoyable discontent. This, by the way, is the key, or at least one of them, to an authentic life. Another is being wealthy and not having to work.
The downside of living in a foreign country is never being able to fully integrate with the local population. The upside is never having to fully integrate with the local population. Hey, another paradox!
One place is pretty much like another. It's not so much where you are as who you are, or who you can get away with pretending to be.
But more on the advantages of assuming a state of total, cultural disconnection later.
Q: I've heard that most Japanese people suffer from mental illness. Is this true?
Sadly, yes, but you must keep in mind that the Japanese are highly adept at hiding. The ability to repress is taught from childhood. Besides, noticing insanity in others is considered very impolite. In addition, large numbers of the insane become university professors, which both secures their madness in an acceptable format and prevents them from doing any harm to others.
Q: How many Japanese women (or men) have you had sex with?
A rather odd question from someone I hardly know. To be honest, I wish I could remember. Not quite sure when Yuko, Yuka, Yumi, Ikuko, Yukari and their ilk all blended into the same delightful, alien body. I can, however, definitely say that I have never had sex with a Japanese man, although I have killed a few of them. At least I've seriously thought about it.
Q: Don't you miss your home country, the good old U.S.A.?
You're kidding, right? Let's just say that I miss the USA that exists solely in my imagination of a place called the USA.
But much more on this later.
Best wishes to all. Keep those comments flowing.....
posted by Bruce Leigh at 10:26 PM
6 Comments:
I stumbled across your blog in a fog (internal). I find it to be startling, atavistic, yet evocative, and obviously the product of a mind possessed, or otherwise afflicted. Please keep writing, as I desperately need someone new to hate.
Now just a minute. I know from long association with the Japanese mind that no more than 42% of the indigenous population is afflicted with Category IV mental illness (Lewin-Suzuki scale) or greater. Demons and Ghosts did not participate in the study, but apparently a not insignificant number of Zombies passed all the screening mechanisms. Only the Tohoku District was sampled. Of the 15 million questionaires mailed out, 14.7 million families people responded {ed.-"This unusally high rate of compliance was aided by authentic-looking lottery tickets printed at the top and bottom of each questionaire, with the proviso that only completed and returned questionaires would be elegible for the fantasy draw."] 31 questionairies had to be thrown out for failure to affix 'hanko' seals on the outside envelope; the rest were tallied and the results speak for themselves (mindlessobeyance.com).
Well, I could have sworn they were speaking to this ex-ex-pat university professor in any case.
The problem with American barbers is that not only do they not razor-cut the hairs growing in and around one's ears, they flat out don't do chopstick removal.
John E.
リーsensei. Thank, you remember its name.
I'm black hair now, before chappatusu
My mother thnk I'm mental problem after your class.
But I never forget.
Yumi
Know some of what you are going through; spent seven years in Japan, fortunately not as a teacher. First two years in Saitama with a small support group of peers and then Five in Hiroshima. How are things in Sendai, had a buddy that lived in Koriyama for a while, never got fruther north.
The whole thing is like a visit to a casino; you can't win but you can at least enjoy the ride.
gambatte to kiioutsuke, ne !
Interesting! Eskimoes, Eskilarrys and Eskicurlys have some truth to speak. Sometimes if your core body temperature drops too low, there is a phenomenon that you may start to sweat. The Police Forensics Lab in New York discovered this, over the years, several naked people were found frozen to death in Central Park. It was deemed to be sexual assault cases until a theory was verified that sometimes a person on the verge of freezing to death starts sweating uncontrollably and for relief sheds all their clothes and then freezes to death, naked.
i found you interesting, provocative and mind boggling. i like to know you more from your writing.
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